Short, cryptic update. Deal with it.

Finished shift at McD's half an hour ago. Super tired.

Procrastinating on the DC update. Maybe tomorrow.

I'm finally feeling like I've got a hold on life right now. It probably won't last long.

Preliminary estimate for my car's alignment problem is $69.99 at Graff Chevrolet. Currently saving my paychecks.

I'm in a really shitty mood. Sorry in advance.

I fell asleep in World Lit today.

I'm flying by the seat of my pants, for the time being.

Current Music: "Friday Night" - Todd Carey
Current Mood: tired, pissed off

So I'm in DC right now,

Updating from my laptop using the hotel wifi. Sweeet. I'm going to make a huge update when I get home (cause I'm certainly not going to go to school on Tuesday!), so I won't post as much as I normally do here. So far, we've been to the Smithsonian museums (all of 'em), the memorials, the Washington Monument, and some other assorted stuff that I forgot. So, this is probably going to be it for the update; I just wanted to say that I blogged in Washington, DC. Stay classy, San Diego.

Gahh.....so much on my mind.

I must apologize to my readers for not updating for so long...I've just had a lot on my mind for now. Let's see -- I've worked my first day at McShell, learned that my family is going in all sorts of directions, and I am trying to dig a hole to China to save myself from going insane. Among other things.

McDonalds is not all it's cracked up to be. I mean, it's tasty food fast, but it's just not that exciting. I got there on my first day, and I was put on the grill (where we cook the patties, chicken, and assorted fake meats for the consumer culture that is Lansing, MI). Once you've seen the patties being cooked and the nuggets being submerged in oil, you kinda loose your appetite for your shift (and some hours after!). I was working with a relatively nice crew, so that helped things out generously. I can actually make double cheeseburgers now! (Toast buns--one squirt of ketchup & mustard on top bun--onions--two pickles--slice of cheese--patty--slice of cheese--patty--bottom bun--wrap burger.) I learned to keep my arm out of the way of the grill, though -- hot oil can drip down from top of grill and burn you. And it will hurt. But overall, it was fairly easy, and I learned quickly. I wasn't exactly hungry for a double cheeseburger or other sandwich by the end of my shift, so I just got one of the Southwest Chicken salad, which was pretty awesome!

I have found that sleep is the only time in which I can get away from life. Now it may sound obvious, but it's true for me. I've got so much stuff going on in my mind that I just need that 5 hours a night to unwind. I found during my "unwind" time that I just need someone to be there for me. Not a parent figure, but someone my age who wants to be with me as a boyfriend or girlfriend. Someone who understands me (and my faults), but accepts me and loves the person underneath all the mess. See, I've screwed up -- usually my fault -- and I'm learning not to try so hard to find that one person. If they find me, then that's fine...but I'm just not willing to hurt any more people (including myself) than I have to. Of course, I'd love to find the one person myself, but I know from past experiences that that's probably (99%) not gonna happen. Period.

I just need....somebody to love. And somebody to love me. That's exactly what I need...

Current Music: "Somebody To Love" - Queen
Current Mood: depressed

My car. Is. Falling. Apart.

I have reason to believe that my car is literally falling apart. Not just the little clanks here and there, but like the "OMG I've gotta pull over or I'll die" stuff. Yeah. I was driving home from school, and I stopped by the middle school to say hi to my mom and see what was up. As I was pulling away, I turned my wheel to un-park and all of a sudden I hear a "GRRRRRCHHHHHHHHT" sound coming from what seemed like my right front tire. I thought it was nothing/it'd go away, so I pulled out anyway and headed home. So I was at the light to turn left, and I did so. But when I turned, it literally felt like my wheel was about to come off. My car drifted ever so slightly to the right, and it scared the shit outta me. So I ducked into the nearest parking lot and checked it out. It seemed like the tire was rubbing on the wheel-well. I tried to look for anything suspicious, but I could not find anything! To add to my troubles, my car was slowly stalling. It would act like it was gonna, then all of a sudden just rev up again. I gotta get that all checked out...before I turn at an intersection and kill myself. Accidentally, of course.

So, if you see an accident, and there's a dark green Lumina in the middle of it, please stop and help. It's probably me. But then again-I don't want to curse anything. So maybe I shouldn't have written this paragraph. But oh well. Oh-Sheep In The Ceiling video #2 will be filmed today after pictures. Oh, you don't know what the heck I'm talking about? Then go to the following link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8w81ahY-aI

Current Music: "Kiss From A Rose" - Seal
Current Mood: depressed/hungry/suicidal

Dawn is breaking. Greet the new day. (parental advisory)

So I totally realize that I haven't updated in....3 days. Things have been totally random for me, and I've been flying by the seat of my pants. I'm going from paycheck to paycheck, I'm single again thanks to my genius, one-of-a-kind wit (more on that later!), and I'm trying to gain independence by paying for my own cell phone.

Most of my days thus far since my last post have been somewhat like this (at least once during the day): OHMIGOD WHATDIDIJUSTDO HOLYSHIT WTF? Mhmm. Sometimes, I don't even know what I'm doing until there is a consequence behind the actions. I don't even know who I am right now. I've been living day-to-day in an empty shell, going through the motions of everyday life. I SO want to find a cure for it, but all I seem to do is fuck things up AGAIN. You want to know my latest accomplishment? So here. Enjoy. Cause I sure as hell don't. So, I managed to talk to K again, and we set up a potential date on Friday. Well, Friday came, and I totally forgot about it. I was on call for a rehersal for tech, so I went (totally forgetting about K). It wasn't until about midway through Saturday that I went "omg. I did not just miss that gaping hole of an opportunity yesterday." But alas, I did. I got home, and as usual checked my myspace messages. You'll never guess from whom I got a message! Mhmm. K. I'm not gonna go into details, but I'm single right now. Obviously. I got one chance, ONE CHANCE, and I still messed it up.

I think that I have an un-avoidable aversion to being physically able to not mess things up. If that made sense at all, you're lucky. Cause I can't make any sense of it, even though I wrote it. I'm constantly searching for somebody who knows me for me. I've let 2 people into my life, and I've taken both of them for granted. So right now, I'm single. And I'm not going to look until somebody looks into me. The reason being that I've decided to not mess up anybody else's life. So they're going to take the chance by investigating mine. To make a long 2 paragraphs short, I'm going to stop looking for a boyfriend/girlfriend. Although, if anybody reads this, and they're interested, you'd be crazy to go for me, given my record. Here's my motto from now on: date me at your own risk. I'm tired of messing up lives, so I'm doing y'all a favor by giving up.

Now talking's just a waste of breath and living's just a waste of death - so why put a new address on the same old loneliness?

Current music: "A Little Less 16 Candles, A Little More Touch Me" - Fall Out Boy
Current Mood: suicidal (as if anybody would care...nobody reads this fucking blog anyway)

And I must say, you look smashing.

Good afternoon, and welcome to another blog entry of me! I'm glad you've chosen to read my miserable rants. Now, sit back, grab some popcorn, cue up some music, and enjoy this post!

I'm just doing *my homework* right now. Well, obviously not. But I was, and that's what counts. Today, I'm going to go to WHS for tech at 5:30, cause apparently there's a musical of some sort...that I haven't heard of. Jenna's the one organizing it, and I haven't heard any publicizing about it. I got a call from Rita, and she asked me if I could work it and maybe recruit some people. Robert's going up north, so he can't. And I don't have the numbers of anybody else in tech.

Tomorrow, I'm going to work another car race. (Honestly, it's really fun for me!) This time, instead of being Flat Tow 1 (the people who pull disabled cars to the pit), we're going to be Fire & Rescue! Sounds like lots o' fun, doesn't it, boys and girls? Well, now, I'm gonna have a hella lotta fun tomorrow, cause right after I get home from that, I've...got to go to work! YAY! Umm, no.

This is probably gonna be my last update until Sunday, so...make it last.

Current Music: "Room 409" - Bullet For My Valentine
Current Mood: perplexed...

I have come to realize

some things about myself, and this post will be devoted to explaining them or whatever (lol). On to the number one (but not necessarily most important) topic.

ISSUE NUMERO UNO
I feel like I'm too cliche sometimes. I was talking with Kendra last night, and for the life of me, I cannot explain why almost every sentence out of my mouth (er....IM client, maybe?) sounded horribly cliche. It's almost as if I was trying to be like society. And anybody who knows me will say that I'm not one to conform to society's overall image. Just about every other sentence out of my mouth sounded like something you'd expect out of a gushy romantic movie. I asked her if I should stop, and she said no, so...but I still need to work on the things that bypass the ShutUp Filter in my brain. I think part of the fact is that I try so hard to impress people, that I normally say what I think they want to hear (or what they'd like). But last night was probably the pivotal point between us. I'm still not sure what happened (Kendra: don't laugh (but I know you will)) because I didn't get it at first. It took her probably about, what, three hints or so? Until something registered. Anyway-I definitely need to work on my cliche-iness. (Is that even a real word? idk...)


ISSUE NUMERO UNO Y MEDIA (one and a half for you non-spanish people)
I titled this as such because I wasn't sure if I should make it its own title or not. Anyway, I think that it's time for change. Not in a specific area, but overall. With the presidential election (with Obama becoming closer to the party candidate) coming soon, I think that that will mark a time in history. Cause McCain's {probably} not gonna win. I think that most people, seeing how Bush handled things, will not want to put a Repub back in office. Now I could be making a huge generalization here, but that's just my opinion......of the body of the USA. Oops. In this day and age, people are too shallow. They expect to get what they want, for as little as they can give. We need to introduce a time when rich people are practically non-existent, or where the rich pay more taxes based on their revenue. We need a...revolution! Yeah, that's it! Something to reorganize America into the "ultimate" country. Something where we need to kick people's asses because they're too snooty to care that people are dying every second. That's what we need. And maybe we don't have to do it right now. But I damn well hope it'll be instated when I'm still alive, cause I'd sure like to see people's reactions when the find out that they actually have to do some work to rise up the ladder of life.

What I am suggesting is that we protest all of the unfair laws that our government has put on us first. That will hopefully show them that we're not here just to sit on our asses and watch The Price Is Right reruns all day. We need to show them that there is a body of people out there, a body of people which will embrace change with open arms and force it to the rest of the timid, brainwashed people who don't care about our country! ¡VIVA LA REVOLUCIÓN!

Wow. That came out of nowhere.

Current Music: "Bounce" - Bon Jovi
Current Mood: rebellious

McYay!

So I am officially a McDonalds crew member. I just came home from an "orientation" at the DeWitt McD's from 5-8pm tonight. They basically went over HR stuff (corporate policies, etc.), wages ($7.15/hour!!!), cleanliness, procedures, and other stuff. As far as uniform, I got 2 shirts, 2 pants, shoes (coming soon), a hat, and a tie. I have never signed my name and wrote the date so much in my life! We got a huge packet of stuff, all of which we had to review and sign. There were 11 of us, (more than our orientator normally..."orientates"...), and we each had to go on the phone to see if we qualified for a tax credit or something...I didn't, but the person on the phone didn't speak very loud, and she had a very prominent southern accent. I probably repeated the letters "f e i c h t e n b i n e r" (my last name) about 5 times. And she asked me for my S.S. # like 3. But after the phone stuff, we all went over the giant packet.

There were about 35 sheets, all dealing with policies, cleanliness and stuff. We signed and dated them, and then the orientator came around and signed all that she needed to sign with her rubber stamp, which came in handy! Then she read it all over with us (at the speed of sound, mind you). We got it all in, were told what to do next (turn our packets into our store), and released! Then I went home, grabbed some dinner, and now this.

I'll update more when I have the energy. Sorry, I've just been really stressed lately.

Current Music: "Rubberneckin'" - Elvis Presley
Current Mood: tired...ugh.

I'm sick and tired of religion and society at the same time.

Like my title says, I am sick and tired. Of what? Many things. But mainly of society and its continual need to please other people. It seems like everybody in this world has to please somebody else. And you know what comes along with that? A false sense of happiness and...*surprise, surprise!*... more stress. Because you can't please everyone in this world. There is bound to be someone whose views differ from yours. But people try. They really do. They try to make everyone happy, and by doing that, they distance themselves from reality. NOBODY IS PERFECT! We as a whole need to get that through our heads. You are not going to be able to please everyone! Your life was not made for that.

RELIGION, PART ONE
And that *somehow* brings me to another thing I've got to rant about (or I'll spontaneously combust): RELIGION. Now I know that I'll ruffle a few feathers out there, but you're not obligated to read this. Okay, here's my main point: I don't know about religion. What I mean is that I'm the kinda person who's not quite sure about whether there's a supreme deity up there who supposedly cares for us. It just doesn't quite make sense for me. The way I see it, I need to see some proof of this "higher power" before I start praying to it and devoting a whole morning to worshiping it. And about this higher power caring for us: if he supposedly cared for us, why did disasters like (9/11, Katrina, the murder of Lawrence King, murder in general, etc) happen at all? Where is this "God" figure coming in? Is he waiting for the right time, or perhaps teaching us a lesson ("Oh boy! That'll teach you to do that again!")? I don't know, and I'm on the verge of not caring. We should only be held responsible by one person: OURSELVES. If we don't get promoted at your job, don't say that "it was God's way of doing"; it's because you didn't do good enough! I fail to see when the "God" figure comes in.

RELIGION, PART TWO
Now, I know that not everyone's like this. But you gotta realize: pushing religion at people who don't want it WILL HAVE CONSEQUENCES! They will hurt you, and possibly even harm you. And I can kinda see why they'd get mad. You see, when you grow up with what you believe in (referred to as "your beliefs"), you get accustomed to them. And when you grow up, make decisions for yourself, and develop your own beliefs, they become yours that you will someday teach your children. I'm all for freedom of expression, but this is my main point: freedom of religion (as described in the Constitution) also implies freedom from religion as well. We are granted our own beliefs, and the power to keep them. When somebody comes along, and they try to change what I've decided is right for me, I get offended. I really do. Who do they think they are, to come along and try to push their beliefs on me? I'm all for them to believe what they want to (hey, if they want to devote their life to an invisible man who lets tragedies happen in his presence, that's their deal), but don't expect me to go along with it if I don't want to.

That's how I feel. You're not obligated to read this, however. Though you most likely have read it since you're at the bottom of this post.

Current Music: "Leavin'" - Jesse McCartney
Current Mood: sick

It SO feels like a Friday...

Well, it does! All through the day today, it just...felt like it. And most people agreed with me. Anyway, today was fun overall. In band, since we had a sub, nobody did any work whatsoever. (Big surprise, I know.) So I just hung out in my seat fixing my code for a program on my graphing calculator. Then Jenny and Rachel joined me, and I was like "what the hell? I can work on this later." So we sat around and talked...finally, we decided that we needed sugar. Jenny suggested that we go to QD, and we thought about it. We agreed, so then we walked up to our sub to ask about it (he's pretty cool about eveything). He said that he "couldn't officially let us leave", but he'd be glad to "look the other way" and let us "get some fresh air" for about 10 minutes if we'd get him a MSU donut (white frosting with a green "S" on it). So, we...left! We took Jenny's car, and arrived without getting pulled over (her speedometer was supposedly miscalibrated, so...). We went in, and headed straight for the donuts. There was one MSU donut left! So we grabbed it and our others. There was a kind-of-pudgy man behind us, and he looked deflated as we tool the MSU donut. Oh well! lol. We got back, and gave our sub his donut. He was excited and said he'd eat it at lunch. So we just went back to our seats, ate our donuts, and played war/BS (card games) with Kim.

And...then the rest of the day was uneventful except for me going to "lunch help" with Trig and Mrs. Rienstra. UGH. I so am not looking forward to Trig next year if she's going to be my teacher. Granted, she's nice (most of the time), but this is the 3RD YEAR I'VE HAD HER! She gets on my nerves alot. SO I suffered through that lunch period, and her 5th hour Trig class. Then in 6th hour, we just read our book outside (YAY!). Except Annabelle and I just played cards while she wasn't looking.

I've also completed 2008's first lawn mowing. I now smell of exhaust and freshly cut grass. Yum!

Current Music: "Bounce" - Bon Jovi
Current Mood: restless